This post is guaranteed to be MORE nakeder and MORE truthier! or something.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate the sweet comments on my last post. I was a little nervous about it, but you all made me feel supported and loved! <3
Today's topic: Bitterness and Anger
I have a few major reasons to be extremely bitter and angry. Some days, I AM very angry. Not at anyone in particular, but at my situation. I feel sorry for my parents and my boyfriend more often than myself. My parents... I'd be hopeless without them. I know for a fact my mother works as many 12 hour shifts as she does for my medical bills. And my boyfriend? He's an unwavering pillar of delicious smelling strength. He has painted my toes for me TWICE when I couldn't do it myself, for example. Without being asked. Right? What a guy! More often than not we end up on the couch watching bad TV. (Hello, new season of The Office!) He's the most tangible form of perfection I've ever known. I just wish I could be healthy for him. I wish I could be the normal girlfriend he deserves, the one who can go to movies and for walks in the park and even just to the grocery store anytime he runs out of cran-grape juice. It doesn't seem to bother him though. He has never, not ever, complained, or even mentioned how often we end up just watching Netflix, or just cuddling. It may not seem like much, but it's the world to me. What a special man he is.
sap sap sap, you know you like it. ;)
Anyway, back to being pissed off. Here's what irritates the tits off of me. And this is just me, being insensitive to the emotions of others.
"I'm so sick... I probably have a cold."
"My body hates me. I get pink eye like, twice a year."
"WHY ME, WHYYY?? Why do I have to get paper cuts? I HATE my life!"
and the ever popular
"Seriously, you don't know how hard my life is... I have like the worst luck. I have cramps for like two days in. a. row."
-collective sigh of disgust-
These are the Facebook statuses, twitter updates, emails and texts that make me want to eat a tub of cookie dough and then THROW IT ALL UP.
Granted, if I expect my feelings to have significance, then those people certainly deserve to have the same right. I would never, ever tell someone that their cold is NO BIG DEAL, or that they need to get over their 48 hour, ibuprofen cured cramps, or that pink eye is essentially their own fault. (hello, fecal matter + eye? doesn't happen to everyone.)
However, I do take a hefty double shot of "Take a deep breath, Rachael" (vodka works too) when I see stuff like that. True, colds suck. True, cramps are the devil roiling around in our uteruses. (is it uteri? idk) and I'm sure pink eye is no walk in the park, but pleeeease. I bite my tongue and remind myself that it's good that minor hurts are all these people know. I wouldn't wish pain on
Anyway. I can't expect the world to understand me when the world isn't me, but that doesn't mean I don't get frustrated. I feel like my life is on hold for now, like I'm just waiting to wake up and be better. It probably won't happen. But maybe it will gradually get better and be a simple annoyance, instead of a daily struggle. I'm waiting! Until then, I'll wear my yoga pants proudly, and my scars will just be a testament to the battles I've fought and won.
I'm losing weight, too. Almost twenty pounds so far! I'm hoping that 1) it makes my HS easier to manage and 2) makes my ass look more fabulous in my yogas. GOALS ARE GOOD RIGHT?
OH, and I really hope to start volunteering at an animal shelter soon. I friggin love animals. They never judge me for letting my bra straps show, or my coffee breath, or my frizz factor hair. Seriously, I can't be bothered to brush my hair every day.. who even does that? ....
At the risk of sounding like an infomercial, let me say this! If you are struggling with a disease or condition of any kind and would like someone to talk to, please feel free to contact me. No, seriously. I insist! I can be your source of witty banter, sarcasm, nutella recipes, and animal memes. Plus other stuff like positive encouragement and happy thoughts.
Love you too.